Time to go!
by RueNeko
Summary: A collection of short, ridiculous stories that were previously known as Deleted Scenes in Time you go on. A collection of stories that would normally not be included in my story; mainly parody and silly humor.
1. What if?

**Summary**: A collection of short, ridiculous stories that were previously known as Deleted Scenes in Time you go on. A collection of stories that would normally not be included in my story; mainly parody and silly humour.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Harry Potter characters; any resemblance is fictional. I do, however, own my OC characters. I apologize if you find these short stories offensive for they parodying common ideas found in different kinds of writing.

**A/N:** The first chapter is a cleaned up, whole version of **What if**... This is a parody of the original books, because there's really no reason that Dumbledore didn't go back in time [when he knew he would die soon]... Enjoy.

**What if...**

_Dumbledore has used a time turner to go back in time and tell himself not to accept Tom Riddle into Hogwarts. He took proof of Riddle's future miss deeds and effectively convinced himself that Tom Riddle should have a magic-blocker placed on him so that he can't bully muggles with the bit of magic he has. Dumbledore returned to his normal time to find that no one had ever heard of Voldemort..._

It was early morning, two years after the birth of his son, and James was wide awake. His lovely, redheaded wife was still asleep in their shared bed. James threw his legs over the side of the bed, slipping his feet into a pair of old, striped slippers. Shocked for a second, James' foot touched his son's favourite squeaky toy. It took him only a second to rid his slippers of the toy.

Quietly, James left the room and headed down the hall to Harry's room. Gently, he pushed open the door and peaked into the room. Harry was fast asleep, and his eyes were moving quickly. A smile floated onto James' face when he saw the stuffed animal that his son was holding onto with one chubby hand. Padfoot had bought the miniature black dog for Harry's second birthday. James quickly closed the door to the bedroom and headed down the stairs.

Godric Hollow was quiet in the morning. The only things that changed were the seasons. The peace in the small, sleepy village felt like it would never break. This is what James hoped for, and was the reason why he worked with the ministry from time to time to catch dark wizards. He was always thankful that the dark wizards seemed to keep themselves separate and had no common goal. He could only imagine a horrible world where dark wizards worked together under one leader.

"James?" Lily's sleepy voice echoed down the stairs, "it's so early. Why are you up?"

"No reason," James called quietly up the stairs, "I just thought I'd make you breakfast in bed, my love."

"Oh, okay," Lily seemed to pause for a moment, "don't forget that Gail is coming today."

"I haven't forgotten," James smiled at his bleary eyed wife, his heart pounding wildly for her, "I'll get dressed after I cook you some breakfast."

James brought the breakfast upstairs for his wife about twenty minutes later. Lily, who was already dressed in her robes, ate it gratefully. She had been quite tired after planning Harry's second birthday party. Quite a few of both Lily and James' Hogwarts friends had shown up to the party, but to Lily's disappointment Gail couldn't make it. She was quite busy at the nursery the previous night. The explanation she had given Lily was that more and more werewolves were coming to her on full moons, and it was almost pure havoc trying to find a spot for everyone. From what Lily had heard, the newly invented Wolfsbane Potion was a great help. They could group werewolves in the same vicinity without them attacking one another now.

James had changed into his his normal robes when there was a knock on the door. Lily set aside the breakfast tray, and got up. The two went to the door of their cozy house and opened the door. Standing on the porch was Gail, who positively beamed when she reached out and hugged Lily.

"Oh Gail!" Lily returned the smile, "how wonderful of you to come..."

James, who had been staring at Gail's companion, questioned her jokingly, "oh, so you've brought a date to our house, Gail?"

"Well, isn't he welcome?" Gail asked, tossing a wink at James.

Lily beamed at her two guests, "I'm so glad you two finally started dating! How wonderful!"

James sighed and stared back and forth between Gail and Remus, "I was just a little bit shocked that the two of you showed up together. Come in, both of you."

Gail had already followed his wife in through the door. They were chattering about things that only women could understand. Instead of following them, James turned his attention to Remus Lupin, who was standing awkwardly just inside the entrance. His apologetic gaze caught James' attention.

"Moony! Come in! My home is your home," James laughed, clapping his friend on the back, "but my wife is not your wife."

That brought a smile to Remus' face, "good, because it wouldn't do to be cheating on her with Gail. Listen, Prongs, I..."

"I know," James took his friend by the shoulder and kicked the door closed behind him, "you two have been making eyes at each other since our seventh year. Did you think I wouldn't notice?"

"What about Sirius?" Remus asked, nervously running a hand through his prematurely greying hair.

James laughed, "he's been thinking of settling down with Jo... You remember her, right? The dark haired girl that was on the quidditch team? She was in our year, too."

Remus nodded, "I'm glad Sirius finally found a girl that could put up with his _whims_."

"Wormy and I figured that Gail was the one," James laughed momentarily, forcing Remus to take a seat in the living room, "but that just shows how wrong we were."

"Oh James!" Lily came running back into the room, "look what Gail bought for Harry!"

James looked at the golden orb that his wife was holding. It looked exactly like a snitch, but was quite a bit bigger. Its size was probably so that a child, like Harry, wouldn't be able to fit it in his mouth and swallow it. The little wings on the snitch made the ball fly slowly around Lily. James grabbed the golden ball, noticing that the ball was squishy and cloth-like in texture.

"Wonderful!" James laughed, "we'll make a seeker out of Harry before his eleventh birthday."

Gail had joined the others in the living room, "Sirius said he bought Harry a toy broom for his last birthday, so I thought he'd like a snitch to play with... Since he takes after his father."

Lily flushed at the comment. She was still quite horrible at riding a broom, and preferred to apparate around. Even after marrying James, who was a wonderful flier, she still hadn't learned how to control a broom properly. James had been quite happy that his son hadn't taken after Lily, in those regards.

"Thanks you, Gail," Lily gave her friend a brief hug, "I'm sure he'll love it."

James heard the Child Charm go off, alerting him that Harry was awake and wanting out of his crib.

"Oh, Harry's awake," James handed the ball to Gail with a wink, "I'd better go let him out."

It took James a few moments to change Harry out of his pyjamas. Lily was always better at changing the kid's clothes. Harry smiled happily at his father the whole time. After he finished changing him, James scooped the kid up and tickled his neck. Harry squealed happily and attempted to catch his father's fingers.

"Time to go see Aunty Gail and Uncle Moony," James said to Harry, returning the boy's smile, "although I would like to keep you to myself..."

"Uncmoo," Harry's green eyes looked around the room, as if he was expecting to see Remus there. He pouted a little bit when he didn't see anyone.

James carefully walked down the stairs carrying his precious cargo. Happily tucked away in his father's arms, Harry made no movement to escape. As a father, James was proud when Harry greeted Remus and Gail with a coo, instead of crying. Lily had often said that it was odd that Harry never made strange with the friends of his parents.

"Happy Birthday, Harry," Gail smiled gently at the bending over so that she could be at Harry's eye level, "gee, you grew so fast. The last time I saw you..."

"You work way too much," Remus laughed at this, "the last time you made time to visit Harry was just after his first birthday."

"I can't help it that he's always asleep when I come over," Gail baulked at Remus, but her sweet smile didn't fluctuate at all.

"Here, hold him for a second," James handed his son to Gail, "I'm going to grab his broom."

"Oh, Harry's the terror of the sky, huh?" Gail cooed sweetly, using a free arm to tickle the boy's stomach. Remus smiled quite sadly behind her back, not wanting to show such a pained expression to his newly acquired girlfriend.

James dug through the cupboard for half a minute to find the toy broom that Sirius had bought the previous year. In triumph, he brought the broom back into the living room. Upon seeing his dad carrying his favorite toy, Harry's squeaked and held out his arms.

"Da! Boom!" Harry squealed happily at his approaching father.

"Yes, you get to ride on your broom today," James took Harry back into his arms and set the child onto the broom.

Within minutes, little Harry was zooming around the room trying to catch his new, cloth snitch.

"He's gotten better at not running into things," Remus remarked, causing James to beam proudly at his son even more, "and it helps that the snitch avoids contact too."

"So cute," Gail settled herself on the couch next to Remus, "it's just too bad he doesn't have red hair like Lily."

James opened his mouth in protest, but Lily beat him to it, "are you kidding, Gail? I think Harry's hair is just adorable."

"Oh?" One of Gail's eyebrows disappeared under her bangs, "so Lily was the one that chose the name?"

Lily giggled and sat next to her friend, "oh, we chose the name because he was born with more hair that the rest of the babies. Right, dear?"

James nodded, looking away from his son only for a moment, "hairy Harry."

"And his middle name is James, as a joke. Hairy James," Lily smiled fondly, before a look of shock crossed her face.

Harry crashed his broom right into the wall and fell off. James rushed over and checked his son for any damage. Luckily, Harry just giggled. The impact hadn't hurt him at all, since the broom had a charm on it to cushion a child if they fell off.

"Pow," Harry giggled, staring up at his father before reaching his hands up, "aden."

"Again, Harry?" James scooped his son up and placed him back on the broom, "just don't fly into any more walls."

"Wee," Harry giggled, again he was following the cloth snitch around the room.


	2. Snape's Loves

**Snape's Loves**

Severus Snape had spent hours staring in the mirror to perfect his appearance. His dark hair hung perfectly in his face. The part in his hair was ruler straight and centered; showing a very small patch of his pale scalp. His well-shined nose glistened in the candle light of his bathroom. He was a vision of dark, masculine power. His only wish was that Lily Evans would find his brand of manliness to be attractive. There was only one thing he could do.

The potion would be ready that day. Severus Snape had successfully brewed the strongest love potion in the world. He just had to find a way to slip it to his first love. They would then be able to bask in the glow of the dark arts. Together, they would serve the one person who could understand him: the Dark Lord.

Severus carefully siphoned the steaming potion into a cute crystal vial. He carefully put a cork, with a skull bobble on the top, in the vial. Just to be safe, he repeated the process a few times, ladling the mother-of-pearl coloured potion into similar vials. Severus put each vial into the large pockets of his charcoal robes.

As he strode confidently through the Slytherin common room, Evan Rosier approached him.

"Where are you going, Severus?" Rosier asked him, "something smells nice on you. What is it?"

Severus looked down his deviously handsome nose at Rosier, "I'm going to win my girl. Out of the way."

With a flick of his wand, Rosier was swept out of Severus' way. The dark haired teenager continued on his way. Wind, coming from who knows where, ripped through his hair, and he let it play with the ends of his cooly long hair. Severus strutted all the way to the Great Hall. When he got there, he grabbed the first mug of pumpkin juice he saw. Discretely, he poured the first vial into the mug.

Severus turned his head for a moment, searching for his beloved red haired vixen. He realized his mistake a moment later. He was standing out in the open.

"Look who we have here," Severus was greeted by James in a regular fashion, "aw, has little _Snivellus_ forgotten how to drink out of a big-boy cup? Let me show you how."

James snatched the mug away from Severus before he could even think about tightening his pale fingers around the handles. James drank half the cup before handing it to Sirius Black, who grinned wickedly and finished the rest.

"Blimey, I feel strange..." James held his head for a moment, giving Severus time to sneak away. He would deal with them later.

He spotted the group of girls he had been trying to find. His Lily-petals was sitting in the middle, chatting with the rest of the girls. Hastily, Severus grabbed another mug of the pumpkin juice and poured his second vial of the potion into it.

Strolling over to the girls, Severus flashed a debonaire smile before holding out the mug to the redhead, "for you..."

"Thanks, Snape," Gail Forester grabbed the mug of pumpkin juice and took a swig, "I was pretty thirsty."

"Hey, it's a huge mug, lemme have some..." One of the blondes said. She had a stupid look on her face. It was below Severus to understand why his Lily would spend time with these barbarians. Gail handed the stupid looking blonde the mug after drinking a good portion. The blonde took a few sips before deciding she didn't like it very much. She handed it to the brunette next to her.

Jo took a swig of the juice, as well, "mmm... Pumpkin juice. Thanks Mel... Hey Amber, want some?"

"Sure," The blonde reached over the table and took the mug. Severus was becoming quite impatient. His Lily was too busy talking with another of her blonde friends to notice that he was there. He had been hoping one of the girls would have handed the mug to Lily... But he was out of luck. Amber forced the mug on the blonde that was talking to Lily. She finished off the remnants of the juice before setting the mug down.

"Blimey, I feel strange," Gail said suddenly, "oh, hey Severus. Come sit by me."

"Nooo!" Melanie whined, "come sit by me, Sevvy!"

"What's going on?" Lily stared incredulously at her friends, "when did you guys start liking Sev?"

"Like? LIKE?" Jo shouted, "I think I'm in LOVE with him."

Amber jumped to her feet, "you can't love him! I LOVE HIM!"

Soon, there was a fight between the five girls over him. While it was flattering, Severus only wanted to give the potion to Lily. She wasn't stupid enough to think that everything was fine when her best friends started wrestling over him.

That was, until the unbelievable happened. Lily, who had been completely speechless, jumped into the fight as well, "I've loved him since we were kids! He's MINE!"

Severus' jaw just about fell off. He was rendered completely speechless, as Lily had been. He hadn't know that he didn't have to use a potion to sway Lily's feelings. She had liked him all along. There was a flicker in his chest, but he felt like he was forgetting something.

"There you are!" James purred into Severus' ear, "I was lonely without you!"

"NO FAIR PRONGS!" Sirius yelled across the Great Hall, "I saw him first! You back off!"

Severus did his best to take a step back, but he tripped over one of the girl's legs. In an instant, he was sprawled on his back, staring at the enchanted ceiling. Before he could pull himself up, James flung himself on top.

"Potter!" Severus snapped, "get off of me, you louse!"

"No!" James clung to the front of Severus' robes, "I wuve you, Sev. You've got to understand! I just can't stop thinking about you!!"

James leaned forward, puckering his mouth as if he meant to...

"ARGH!" Severus thrashed wildly, eventually landing a good kick on James so that he could scuttle away, right into Dumbledore's legs.

"I see you have found the wrong way to administer a love potion, Severus..." Dumbledore smiled knowingly down at him, "but I'm afraid we'll have to take twenty points off from Slytherin. I must insist that you serve a detention with Slughorn. He will instruct you on the proper uses of a potion."

"Whatever you say, Professor," Severus gasped, "just keep that bloody Potter away from me."

__

A/N: Fun with Amortentia... If you're wondering who the OC characters are, go read Time you go on.  



	3. How to ask a boy out

**A/N: **This is a side story from chapter 30 of _Time you go on_. It's seen from Jo Thestile's perspective. It's no so much humor, but a bit of a parody of Sirius' relationships.

**How to ask a boy out...**

Jo fumed angrily after she left the train compartment. Melanie had just finished making a fool of her yet again. The little, blonde witch knew how much she liked Sirius Black, and still decided to go snogging him every chance she got. Melanie's only saving grace was the fact that she was too stupid for Sirius to consider keeping as a girlfriend.

There was one thing Jo could do to make sure that Melanie wouldn't be able to dig her dirty claws into Sirius any further. She would ask him out on an official date, which would take him off the market. Jo marched all the way to compartment c, the marauder's regular compartment. Before she got to the door, she pulled out a small compact and checked her hair. Luckily, her dark brown, curly hair fell gracefully around her face. Her natural, rose coloured lips formed a nervous smile, which she forced to look more confident. Quickly, Jo shoved the compact back into her pocket.

Jo slid the compartment door open and casually took a step inside. She found four pairs of eyes on her. She carefully placed a confident smile on her face before she turned her dark brown eyes towards Sirius Black's handsome face. He was staring at her in interest. Out of the corner of her eye, Jo noted James messing up his hair.

"Can we help you, Thesty?" James asked calmly. She was rather friendly with him, since she had joined the quidditch team during the same year as him. They shared the same dislike of, and were comrades against, the Slytherins.

"Nothing much, Potter," Jo responded, flashing a bright smile to James, "I was just wondering if I could borrow your handsome friend."

"Who, Peter?" Remus joked sarcastically, turning the page of his book. He didn't bother laughing at his own joke. Perhaps he had heard about how rude Jo had been to Gail while she was dating Sirius. Gail and Remus seemed close. A lot closer than Gail was with other people.

"She obviously means me," Sirius stated shortly, standing up. Jo could feel the temperature rising in her cheeks as she led the handsome teenager out of his compartment. When she was sure that the door was closed behind him, she faced him.

Why did Sirius Black have such beautiful, angst filled eyes? They were like two globes filled with the clouds from the darkest storms ever to have raged over an ocean. His eyes seemed to be calculating Jo, for some reason. You could almost see his brain working. What a brain it was; he was such a genius, even at such a young age. Sirius' face looked surprisingly passive. He was obviously becoming more bored in the silence.

"Go out with me," Jo said shortly, keeping her brown eyes fixed in his.

"Why should I?" Sirius asked her shortly, "are you worth my time? If you haven't noticed, I have a thing for blondes..."

"Merlin help me," Jo muttered as she rolled her eyes to the ceiling. At that moment, she wondered why she even liked him. Did she really just like him for his looks? Was she just as shallow as Melanie? She was determined not to be.

Jo finally turned her determined gaze back to Sirius. He looked rather intrigued, "Sirius Black, if I have to die to haunt you for a date, I will."

Sirius' face broke into a wide grin and his eyes lit up, "really? You like me _that_ much?"

"More than that much," Jo flirted back, doing her best to look seductive, "so what do you say? You, me, Hogsmeade?"

"Okay," Sirius agreed, "let's go on a date on the first Hogsmeade weekend."

Jo couldn't help but smile brilliantly at him. Sirius couldn't hear it, but her heart was beating so fast that it felt like it'd burst. She couldn't help but laugh happily. It took her a moment to realize that Sirius joined her. After a minute, the two of them were staring at each other awkwardly. Jo noted how close Sirius was standing to her. Maybe he was hopeful about snogging her, but she wasn't _easy_.

"Well, it was nice talking with you," Jo said pleasantly, dodging Sirius' advance, "I'll see you around, okay?"

"I don't think you're going to get away that easily, Thestile," Sirius snagged her arm and pulled her back toward him. Jo didn't have time to melt because of his strong hands, because his charming smile almost did her in at that moment. Her only response was a fairly shrill laugh. Within a second, she was pinned against the wall of the train. She could feel it rocking and rumbling behind her. Her knees seemed to turn into jelly.

"Is there something you need, Sirius?" Jo flirted as best as she could in her state of mind, smiling cutely at Sirius.

"Yes," Sirius stared into her eyes. He was only an inch taller than her, so when they stood close together, they were at the perfect height for kissing. Sirius leaned in even closer, brushing his lips against Jo's. It was magic, time seemed to slow to a crawl for a few seconds.

"Our date has been sealed," Sirius whispered slyly, moving away, "with a kiss... See you later, Jo."

With that, Sirius slid back into his compartment. It took a good five minutes for Jo to realize that he had left and she was supposed to head back to her compartment. She slowly drifted back down the hall towards the compartment in which her friends were located. It took her another while to effectively believe that she had successfully asked Sirius out on a date and he had accepted.


	4. Melanie's Crush

**A/N: **Melanie Range is a Griffindor from TYGO. If you haven't read it, this may be a bit confusing for you. This is quite short, because I started it almost a week ago, and I really can't remember where I was going with it. Parody on weird girls who stalk boys, I guess.

**Melanie's Crush...**

He was _THE_ most handsome boy in their grade.

Melanie couldn't explain it, but his brooding, dark stare was what originally attracted her. His face usually remained hidden behind his long hair that dangled like black drapes. Most people claimed that his nose was large and slimy, but Melanie found it somewhat attractive. His cool aura was intensified by his strange manners and twitchy walk.

There wasn't a thing Melanie wouldn't do to claim some of his attention. She even snogged Sirius Black, who was good enough looking but not quite her tastes. Of course, he was good at snogging. Recently, he had taken to staring longingly at Lily Evans, for whatever reason. Melanie couldn't understand what he saw in the pushy redhead.

It was just a short jump from snogging Sirius Black to snogging Mulciber, one of Severus Snape's _friends_. Mulciber was an oaf. The large git couldn't read. It was surprising that he could even use a wand. It was apparent that he had giant blood in him. Suffice to say, snogging Mulciber was like kissing the giant squid's suction cups. It wasn't pleasant at all. At least he didn't expect to get any further than that, unlike Evan Rosier.

Melanie pushed away the distracting thoughts of her current beau. It was far more interesting to study Severus Snape. His normal, gloomy aura was quite intense today. He sat alone in the corner of the library, hastily scrawling lines for a paper about something or other. He was completely focused, with his dark black hair shading his face. Melanie had sat so that she could stare at his focused face. He didn't look up from his work, not even once, so it wasn't surprising that he didn't notice her staring.

"There you are," Mulciber's deep voice came from behind her, "I was looking for you."

Melanie rolled her eyes before putting on a sweet smile to turn around. Her blue eyes drifted upwards to Mulciber's face. It was unfortunate that he wasn't handsome, "oh, silly me. I forgot that we made plans. I was so focused on reading. I'm sorry, Sean."

If Mulciber suspected that she was lying, he didn't say anything. Melanie had, of course, blown him off in order to spend time admiring the boy she liked. She didn't even have a book open. Instead, the oaf looked over Melanie's shoulder and a dumb smile took his face, "oh look, Severus is here. Why don't we go sit with him?"

Melanie gulped quietly before giggling. She quickly stood up, "oh, he is? I didn't even notice."

Of course, Mulciber strode over to Severus without a second thought. Melanie trailed behind him somewhat slower. As soon as they got close enough, Severus' head snapped up and he reached for his wand on impulse. Seeing that it was one of his house, he relaxed slightly. The dark haired boy didn't say a word to Mulciber, instead he turned his stony, suspicious gaze to Melanie.

"Why do you bring her everywhere? She's one of them," Severus glowered at Melanie, making her knees feel slightly weak.

"What?" Mulciber gaped for a moment, pulling a chair up, "she's a pureblood. It's not her fault she was put in Griffindor with the other blood traitors."

"Hmph... What do you want, Mulciber?" Severus finally turned his gaze to the thick boy, "I thought you were going to Hogsmeade with Avery today..."

"I was about to... But I wanted to take my girlfriend with me," Mulciber smiled stupidly, "and I noticed that you two were in the library."

"I don't want to go," Melanie suggested adamantly, "if you want to go, I'll be here when you get back."

"Really? Alright..." Mulciber stared at her for a moment, slowly getting up from the seat he'd taken up, "I'll find you later."

Melanie watched his retreating figure. How stupid could the lug get? Leaving his "girlfriend" alone with the boy she likes? Of course, it wasn't like he knew anything about her... He probably didn't even suspect anything. How a person like him got into Slytherin was beyond her. As soon as he was gone, Melanie slid herself into the chair that he'd left.

Severus had been watching her absently, without saying a word. There was a note of dislike in his eyes. Melanie put on her best poker face, "we've never talked, have we? I'm Melanie Range."

It took him a moment to realize what was happening. A sneer slowly formed on his face, "don't think I'm going to be nice to you just because of Mulciber. I've seen you... Dirty trash, snogging Black."

"Oh?" A smile teased Melanie's lips, "looks like I've been caught. Some boys are so easy to fool... The rest of the Griffindors all think I'm stupid, you know..."

"Could have fooled me," Severus glowered at her. He made a move to close his textbook, but he was stopped by Melanie.

"I could help you get revenge on them. I can get you into the Griffindor common rooms," Melanie explained slowly, keeping her voice low. She was surprised by the clammy feel of Severus' hand under her finger tips.

That intrigued Severus momentarily, before he shook his head, "not interested. I don't need your help to get revenge, I can get it myself."

With that, the dark haired boy finished gathering his things and stormed away, leaving Melanie to stare dreamily at his retreating form. Severus' dark robes fluttered around him, giving him the look of a dark bird.


	5. Pranks: The one hobby to rule them all

_**A/N: A short story based on one of the marauder's proudest moments. Happy chapter 50. **_

**Pranks: The one hobby to rule them all.**

They had planned it all out, just the way they always did. Neither James nor Sirius had an idea what the aftermath's would look like, they were too focused on how funny it would all be, how much it would inflate their feelings of superiority. Peter was acting as the lookout, as usual, while the whole thing was being set up. Remus had ensured, though a month of planning and research, that the whole plan wouldn't go to waste because of Filch, or anyone else. We knew exactly how people would move while we were setting everything up, even without using the marauder's map.

That left James and Sirius. Armed to the teeth with every kind of prank item available to them, as well as a few they made for the occasion, were the prime marauders in the plan. There was no corner of the Great hall that would be safe. Everything was perfect and was timed to go off at the appropriate moment.

It didn't go off at breakfast, as you would have expected. Students were either rushing too much during the first meal of the day, or their arrival rates were dispersed.

It didn't go off at lunch, either. That would disrupt classes for the rest of the day, something that would likely get the marauders in a bit too much hot water.

It went off during the evening feast and it was marvellous.

Strings of underwear magically floated around the Great Hall as a replacement for the customary candles. The ceiling had been enchanted to flash in correspondence to the owners of the underwear. Insults towards the owners also appeared.

"Snivellus is a large nosed git with bat like ears?" One of the girls read an insult out loud before bursting into peals of laughter. The next moment she was shrieking because a pair of her underwear floated over of her head with her name flashing on the ceiling in bold letters.

The next moment, a pair of Snivellus' enlarged shorts made an appearance in the centre of the hall. They were honestly large enough to fit ten or so people in. Neon letters appeared over the crotch area, reading "wash me." Catcalls erupted in Severus' general direction, which the slimy boy shot down with a series of stoney looks.

The prank didn't stop there. The chaos in the Great Hall was not nearly enough. The more enthusiastic professors scrambled to take down the underwear. Dumbledore didn't seem to mind the change of decoration, though. He was smiling peacefully enough in the marauders' direction. That only enthused them to allow the plan to continue.

The next phase was slime. Buckets and buckets of the stuff: green, red, yellow, brown. It covered the walls, the tables, the door and the floor, making movement literally impossible for everyone. Everyone and anyone who moved got covered in it. Flowing in the middle of it all was Severus' pair of enlarged boxers. Goo seeped out of it as if it was being wrung. The slime waterfall was Sirius' brilliant idea.

James couldn't help himself. They had just proved that Snivellus was the slimiest git in Hogwarts. Unfortunately, the slime didn't smell. It was odourless, and that would just not do.

Several dungbombs erupted behind the instructors' table, seeping brown gas into the hall like nothing the boys had ever witnessed before. James had invented a new kind of bomb, just for the occasion. He had dubbed the "Marauder Fartbombs". James' bombs performed splendidly when they went off, creating a fart-like noise as well as practically opaque, stinky green mist. James had insisted that these bombs go off under the students tables, and so they did. A few small fireworks erupted as well, just for good measure. Other kinds of joke products went off, much to the dismay of the Slytherins.

Within minutes, both the students and the instructors were scrambling toward the door, which Remus had placed a locking charm on. The slime made it hard on all of them. Every few steps, there would be a mass of people falling and sliding around. It was the funniest thing the marauders had ever seen. They were laughing hard for what seemed like an hour. When Sirius finished, he poked James and pointed to Peter's tear stricken face.

"Don't wet yourself, Wormtail, it's not _that_ funny," Sirius barked, immediately snapping back to laughing at their gag. Peter stopped laughing long enough to blush. Remus looked like he was going to die from laughing so hard.

"Augh! Snivellus just fell, face first, into a pile of slime!" James roared over top of the screams of the other students. This merely caused his friends to laugh harder.

Dumbledore seemed to enjoy himself, as well, but when the headmaster had enough he decided to end it. He pulled out his wand and cleared all of the slime, bombs and other items away. Order was restored in the hall. Instantly, the headmaster turned his crystal blue eyes on the marauders and mouthed the words they had dreaded.

"Detention. Three months."

Sirius overcame his grief quickly by proclaiming that the whole thing was "worth it and James couldn't agree with him more.


End file.
